how is
How’s college
Such a loaded question
It’s full of so many answers
so much bs
it’s easy to spew them at you
it’s fine
it’s good
it’s cold
that’s the most common
but it’s rough
why is it rough?
wish I could answer that
wish I could
some days I feel like galloping
galloping through Harvard yard
some days I don’t feel like getting out
of bed
bed
it’s so warm and comforting
unlike this
I don’t know why I’m here
that’s the most horrifying part
I don’t know why I’m here
I never wanted a name attached to mine
I just wanted mine
Frances
it was enough for me
it made me happy
I didn’t need it to be prefaced
prefaced by something else
by an institution
a set of rules
a set of expectations
a set of everything
not just who I am
It’s just 4 years
you say
just clench your mouth
and stay
easy isn’t it?
No.
It’s 4 years
4 years down the drain
of why I came
it leaves me writhing
Life shouldn’t be a game
but that’s how I’m treating it
it’s me
it’s my fault
I need to know
I’m not like most here
I’m not striving for the top
I thought I was
but I came
and realized this wasn’t my shit
this wasn’t the battle I was here to fight
the moment I realized that
was the moment
the shit hit the fan
I am clawing for an explanation
a reasoning
a meaning
how wistful and pitiful
Harvard is great don’t get me wrong
but I haven’t found life here
I’ve found pockets of it
but it hasn’t consumed the campus
not yet
or maybe I’m pushing it away
maybe I don’t want to love this campus
not yet
we’ll see
I have a year, maybe three