hello hello
“Hello, I’m lost.”
“Hi lost, I’m sad.”
“Hey sad, I’m frustrated.”
“Well now that we’ve all introduced ourselves let’s get on with it shall we? Why are you all here today”
Silence
“Well okay, that’s fine. We don’t have to d—“
“I’m here because I don’t know where I belong anymore. I feel as though I’ve been ripped from home. I feel as though nothing is for certain anymore. I feel like I’m floating. I’m hopeless now. I don’t have something to go back to. I don’t have a home. I’m always searching, but nothing is ever enough anymore. A piece of myself is no longer with me and that just feels… empty.”
Silence
“Thanks for sharing. Anyone els—“
“I can’t get up in the morning anymore. I just lay there and wonder what the point is anymore. I lay there and I wonder to myself when I’ll stop feeling this way. I wonder when I’ll feel normal again. I lay there and pray to GOD that the darkness inside me will just go away. I don’t want it anymore. It’s freaking annoying. I just don’t want to be me anymore. Isn’t that crazy? It’s horrible. I just want to fall to the floor and weep at the slightest sign of stress or trouble. I’m like a loose cannon just waiting to go off.”
“Okay. You were so brave to share that. I appre—“
“I understand you sad. I understand. I know what it feels like to want to blow up because you just can’t control your feelings anymore. Every day is a different adventure but not ever one you want to go on. You always lock yourself up because you can’t bear to open the gates to what might be another meltdown. You just can’t control yourself or your thoughts and it’s the most infuriating thing in the world.”
“Okay. This is a lot. I understand. But have you all ever realized that these feelings are what your names are?”
“Yeah, how do you think we got them? This guy…”
“What about letting them go? What about letting of the labels? Have you ever thought of that?”
Silence
“But they’re our names.”
“Yeah, but that’s it. They’re labels. They shouldn’t define you. They are things that will pass and that you will recover from, I promise. You have to give it time and space. You can’t just snap your fingers and make it go away. You have to let it run its course.”
“That’s so s—“
“Stupid? I know. It sounds stupid and ridiculous and like pure bullshit. But it’s true. You can’t just turn this off, but you don’t need it to label you. You don’t need it to define you for forever. You are someone EXPERIENCING this. You are not tied down by it. The minute that you let it become your entire being is the minute that you’ve lost. You have to fight it. No matter how lost you feel, how sad you get, how frustrated you feel… you have to refuse to let it consume you and to have even the slightest handle on you. Be stronger than that. Be more than that. You are NOT just lost, sad, frustrated. You are Frances.”