feeling good
I sat and stared. I stared at the woman sitting with her right leg draped over her left as she read the book aloud to herself, softly under her breath. The sound was carried off with the wind that blew it into my hair and swirled around the leaves. I sat and smiled as I watched grandpa carry the little girl with blonde curls, only to let her run off and bounce away. He and I exchange smiles, almost in a way to say, "Isn't life just beautiful?" I watched the transformation from people bundled up within themselves in scarfs and thick winter jackets to people in brightly colored floral pants and casual sandals. I watch as they walk the earth with popsicle in one hand and documenting it with the other. I watch as others cling to their winter ways and sip hot chocolate as the sun beats down on their backs. I nod softly as ambitious college students move benches around because when else are you going to sit around outside and be foolish together other than now, under the gaze of the falling sun?
I witness the world slowly dim and the buildings adopt a darker tinge of orange as the sun sets and colors our world for the last time today.
I lean my head back and let it rest on the pillar I have entrusted with the weight of my life. I lean back and stare at the blue sky, cloudless but meaningful. The sky stares at me as if to say, "See? I told you it gets better." It was the same sky that I thought had forsaken this place as it had let out a furious winter storm a week before.
I find love in this world. Couples sitting at the foot of tree stumps as they lean their heads on each other, entrusting each other with their weight and all their troubles. The sun melts all our troubles away. Each worry that had frozen into our minds melts away as the sun flaunts its beautiful beams.
I feel so blessed today. Incredibly blessed. Even as the wind plays with my hair, even as the same troubles plague my mind, even as I understand Mr. Sun's presence to be temporary... I am blessed. It doesn't take much light to remind me of that.
It's now my turn to find a source of light within myself. Very soon.
I am desperate. But now it is a beautiful sense of desperation, filled with hope and love for the world and for my life.