hello tear
I walked out, bundled in approximately four layers. My head was hugged by the white and pink beanie that my parents bought me when they visited back in November in an attempt to keep me warm when I wasn't in their sight. My neck was wrapped by an olive color scarf with fringes at the end. My hands were kept toasty by the brown leather gloves my mom swore would keep my fingers warm as I ventured into the harsh Boston winter. She told me about her red leather gloves that lasted her all through college and part of her adult life until I lost them when I was little. It was no red leather glove, but my brown ones would have to suffice as I walked out into the winter wonderland in front of me.
I stepped out, facing the sign "Falling ice, keep caution. - Yard Ops" on our olive toned door. I pushed my body into the door as I walked out, blinded by the sun but attacked by the wind chill that would wear on me relentlessly as I walked through the yard. I peeked my eyes out from underneath my scarf and looked around by actually swiveling my entire body. My eyes were no longer enough to do the job, I had to commit myself to looking at the world around me. I watched as tourists cupped their hands over their mouths and breathed heavily to keep them warm.
'Wow, they're so dedicated,' I thought to myself as I walked faster to keep up with the New England pace of life. My California self still believed it was socially acceptable to stroll through life and hold up the people around me.
Instead of looking up at the world around me, I decided the best way to get to class in this 20 degree Fahrenheit weather was by staring at the floor. I watched my feet melt the leftover snow from the snowfall the day before and I childishly jumped over small puddles as I crossed streets in an attempt to connect with the whimsical side of me.
But as I walked I felt it freeze on my face -- I formed double chin formation and let my scarf catch my tears if they hadn't already frozen on my face. I shook my head to tell myself I was being foolish. I brought my gloved hand up to my face and wiped away the tears and forced a smile to emerge from my face.
'Keep walking. You're almost there,' I convinced myself. Step by step I trudged through the snow and made it to the psychology building. I mindlessly walked into the revolving door, tried to exit it prematurely and instead bumped into the glass, and finally made it down the stairs to my 10 am.
Success.
My tears would have to wait for another rare moment of solitude to let themselves be known.