approach with caution [sensitive]
Just listen. When we tell you about what shatters our hearts into a million pieces, scattered across the floor, we don't want you to offer an immediate solution. We are not coming to you because we want you to wave your magic wand and make our problems go away. That's not what we want. We want you to listen, eyes, ears, mind open to what we have to say. We don't want you to judge us as you make a mental note for next time. We don't want your pity or sympathy. We want your empathy and understanding. We want you to validate what we are feeling and ensure us that we are not going crazy for feeling like this. We want you to tell us that this is all a part of being human, being an imperfect but beautiful human filled with woes & heartache but working towards wholeness.
When I tell you that I am struck abruptly by a feeling of sheer emptiness inside of me threatening to drag me into its dark abyss, I don't want you to tell me that it'll go away. I want you to hug me and help me fight the battle I am losing within me. I want you to be on my side. I want you to try to understand what I am going through. I know and I hope that these feelings go away soon and that I do not have to clutch my sides every time I feel as though I'm going to fall apart. They'll go away, but right now they're here and they're haunting me. They constantly follow me and threaten to make themselves known to the world as they push tears and soft sniffles out of my body.
Just listen to me. Don't look at me with wide eyes as you pretend to suddenly be invested in me. I understand. This is difficult to accept and to invest in its improvement over time. This will take a long time. It is a state of being broken. All the king's horses and all the king's men can try as hard as they may, but they'd have an easier time piecing together Humpty Dumpty than they do me.
Something has broken within me, something profoundly important that I can't seem to glue back together. Something has broken within me and at the drop of a hat my body threatens to lose it as it lets a couple of tears escape. The tears freeze in a streak on my face as the freezing temperature captures it and saves it for all those passing me to see. I am seen and yet I am still not.
I have tried to reach out to people about the emptiness I feel inside. I have masked it with words such as "homesick, okay, fine, it'll pass, it's nothing, it's just freshman year, etc." I excuse it time after time and no one grabs my wrist and covers my mouth to tell me I am being ridiculous, that what I am feeling is important and we need to talk. Instead we seem to skim over it. I let it happen. Why not? I'm wasting their time anyway. It'll pass right.
It'll pass.
At least I hope it does.
Because anymore of this emptiness and I don't know what I'll do or what'll happen.
I am shattered, broken, scattered, and lost.
Pieces of me are under the bed, while others are stuck beneath my chair and others have been swept under the rug by the wind. Pieces of me have been mistaken for dust as others have been slapped in a wistful attempt to catch a cockroach scuttling across the floor.
My pieces are no longer mine. I'm wondering at this point if I should just let them go or if I should still try to collect them all. Is it worth it?