part 3

I'm not a computer science person, an economist, a pre-med, an engineer, an applied mathematician, etc. I am not any of these. I know. Every single piece of writing I post nowadays seems to be about this. I see a pattern, Frances. Very original. Wow.

But this time I'll tell you why.

I'm not any of these things not because I think they're too hard, contrary to popular belief. Yes I think these subjects are difficult, but I don't think that any other field I chose would be any less challenging. I would have to work my butt off no matter what field I decided to enter, it's just a matter of which one I care about the most. I decided I don't care enough about these to pursue them. I've seen the people that are and wow are they amazing. Especially after coming to Harvard, I've seen a ton of these people and I've asked them why they wanted to pursue these fields and every time I am blown away because they actually care about it (at least I hope they do). Meanwhile me? If I were to enter these fields it would be because I'm scared of the opportunity cost of ignoring them as a career choice. But that's not who I am. That's not what I should be. In high school I promised myself never to succumb to the status quo and follow just what everyone else was doing but now in college that's gotten a lot harder. Now I have to stand up to this in spite of the risk of an unstable job or the lack of economic capital. There's more on the line now but I mean that's life right? I gotta stand up for what I believe in and who I am or I gotta die trying.

I'm scared that my sociology degree (or whatever I do) will amount to nothing. But I'm more afraid of looking back and wondering why my younger self wronged my older self so badly. I'm more afraid of looking back and thinking "what if..." I'm more afraid of being unhappy when I'm older and regretting every decision I made. I'm more afraid of feeling as though I sold my life for money. I'm more afraid of not feeling.

#college #life