part 2

I wonder a lot what this life is leading up to. I wonder where it's going and why we try so hard. Don't get me wrong, I agree life is beautiful and has its perks. When you wake up and hear your husband making you breakfast, watching your kid grow up and pursue their dreams, seeing the snow fall in flurries around you as you stick out your tongue in desperate attempts to consume it in all its glory, watching the sun set on a day well spent with friends and family, knowing that you made someone smile... Life has its happy moments and I know that. This isn't a blog post that is meant to say that life is useless -- it's a blog post to wonder why life exists in the first place.

Let me explain.

I've been wondering a lot nowadays why we do what we do. I guess you can say this is a question I've asked myself a lot before too. A lot of people will tell me to let it go, to just live and not think about why we're living. Why should you think so much into it if you're going to do it anyway? I think it's important to think about. The "why" in things are so beautiful and so necessary why wouldn't you ask about them?

If at the end of life is just death, what's the point of living? What is the point of life? What are we all doing here? Why do we all try so hard? Why have we succumbed to this institution that has been marked as necessary in our societally connected minds? I wonder. I wonder a lot about that.

I think I'm mostly thinking this because of college. I think I'm considering these questions because I'm in college. I feel like college is the place you're figuring out your future but also why you are, why you are the way you are. I've wondered why I dislike STEM and why I'm deciding to run away from it. Hm. I don't like that way of explaining it. If I really wanted to do STEM you best believe I wouldn't be running away from it but that field has repelled me for some reason and coming to Harvard made me realize a little bit more of it. A lot of people here want to do STEM, which is amazing -- but I've always wanted to go against the current. I've always thought that that meant creating a non-profit, but now I'm realizing that start up culture is such a thing here. Start ups and founding your non-profit feels like the next "it" thing. It's not unique. It's not special. It's not original. I don't want it to be a part of my identity.

This is also I guess another random piece of my thoughts.

This post wasn't supposed to go anywhere.

Then why did I write it? Why did I write it with no purpose in mind?

Is that what I'm doing with life?

#society #life #college #teenageangst