make yourself laugh

Why do you do things that make you sad? I don’t mean filing taxes, writing reports, studying for midterms… I mean majoring in something that doesn’t stimulate it or joining organizations that make you feel devoid of emotion and spirit. Why do you do things that make you pull at your hair in futile attempts to feel something in the midst of this numbing sensation? Why do you do this to yourself? Why do we do this to ourselves? Excuses range from: “Because I don’t know what else to study,” or “Because I want to make money,” or “Because everyone else is doing it,” or “Because it’s the most practical way to go.”

I call them excuses because there’s an alternate solution to each one of these so called answers. You don’t know what else to study? Go out there and explore! You don’t want to spend more time in college? Wow some people at the end of their college experience are begging someone to let them fail a class and stay back a year. You want to make money? Hasn’t the Internet taught you anything? You can make money by doing anything. I understand this is a very privileged way to look at things but this is what I mean. By being part of the online community I learned that jobs can be created. They can be created out of passion. YouTube was never a thing and never did it look like it was going to be a thing. But it somehow happened and now it’s one of the lucrative but also the most competitive fields out there. Because everyone else is doing it? Since when have you matched the status quo so perfectly and been okay with it? Your angsty teenage self would be ashamed at your passivity right now. You used to rock those crazy colored socks or those ginormous hoop earrings or that ego look as you played with different kinds of “gothic” lipsticks. It’s the most practical? Wow. Now you’re just boring.

I understand all these — I am the exact same. I am afraid of breaking the flow and am terrified at the prospect of having a job where I’ll be struggling to make ends meet. I’m also afraid. But I’m more afraid of waking every morning and wondering whether this is all worth it. At the end of my life I want to be proud of the choices I made and look at my job and say, “Wow, I chose well. I was really happy.” I want to choose a job that will give me fulfillment, not just money. Money can only get you so far and then it’s your choice and your decisions that will make you smile and laugh.

#advice #life #society