small space -- great heights
I think today has been one of the most meaningful days of my winter break.
I woke up at 7:45 actually pretty grumpy because who wakes up before 10 AM during your vacation? Well anyways, I woke up that early because I was going to meet someone in a government position at a local food bank with my dad. It was all fine and dandy -- I was gonna say hi to this lady, tell her how excited I am to meet her, shake her hand, and leave. But when I got there, you would have thought that everyone was having the best time of their life. They were meeting people with great big smiles, shaking hands, squealing in delight at a reunion after maybe say a few weeks? I walked in and never have I felt more out of place. I'm usually pretty good at disguising my face but this time I don't think I could have even tried to stop the corners of my lips from drooping. After being overwhelmed with this *heartfelt* image, I turned to my left and saw a little old lady sitting in a chair. To me she seemed that she was there to get some food -- as a food bank should do. But instead she was also just watching this admittedly slightly gross scenario unfold in front of us. I smiled at her because I didn't want her to feel left out and oh my goodness, her smile was the cutest thing. She seemed so genuinely happy to see someone who cared about her instead of the flashing lights and how saturated their face would look in the newspaper.
I understand. Politicians have a different purpose -- to get their pictures taken at events like these to publicize for the organization and event itself to get more donations and attention, but also to get their political status to go up. I get it. I get that the intentions are different and that the job requirements kind of expect that from you. But at least notice the people you're serving. They should be the focus of the food bank, not you. They're the underprivileged we're working so hard to support and to make known - why not take pictures with them? Because they're not as aesthetic or articulate? Who gives a damn? I'd rather see her beautiful face light up because the politicians came because they cared rather than more politicians' fake smiles at 9 AM, because let's be real -- who's happy to wake up at 7 AM to get ready for a 9 AM?
I really wanted to talk to that old lady too. But what was I gonna say? "I'm sorry that these people who said they came to serve you aren't really here to serve you." "I'm sorry that you have to witness this odd little show of everyone pulling their bells and whistles for each other." "I'm sorry that we're not all here for the most genuine reasons."
I'm a person of intention. Actions are really important but to me, intention comes first. If the action was carried out in a sub-par manner, I'm okay with it as long as the intention behind it was pure. That's hard to gauge though, and I understand that. But the person whose intentions I am the most aware of are mine. And I hope that even when I'm older, I can re-read this blog post and tell myself that whatever I'm doing then, I'm doing with the best intentions in my heart.