love @ college
Love is really interesting, isn't it?
Movies and books romanticize them to oblivion and make it seem so easy and fairy tale inspired. All the drama that ever existed disappears in a puff of magic and the happily ever after is always found. Rarely is there a story in which the ending doesn't bode for a better future filled with more laughter and dreamily romantic nights.
But it's not like that. Not right now at least. Right now "love" doesn't seem to exist and all I can think about is how badly I've been scammed. Instead of searching for someone who I will choose to love for the rest of my days, I'm trying to think of compromises in place of a spouse. Instead of a husband and kids, I think of a dog and her future puppies. Instead of a swingset in the backyard with the sun greeting my child's golden heart, I think of a backyard with a doghouse and a hammock where I'll spend my days in quiet solitude.
College seems to be the place that breeds anything but love and a serious relationship. Every chick flick placed in college presented us with prospects of a bright future of love at first sight and a beautiful budding relationship that will end with a married life in which you get to say, "Yes, we met in college and we immediately fell in love!!" Instead in college you learn about hook-up culture and how to avoid getting raped and what to do if you're ever in danger. Boys seem to learn about the scary prospect of being strapped down to one girl and one option for a sex partner and girls are told to be wary of every boy because they'll either break your heart or take advantage of you. Boys are taught how to be flirtatious and as non-committal as possible. Girls are taught how to guard their hearts and translate a one night stand as the "best you'll get in college."
I might be a freshman in college, but I'm not liking how this looks. Keep in mind this is just one person's small experience in the corners of Massachusetts, but honestly -- I'm not very optimistic. Sometimes I wonder if I should lower my standards and allow myself to go into a relationship half as happy as I should be, or if I should wait it out and continue searching for my version of the perfect partner. I understand no one is perfect, but that's not what I'm looking for, and yet that's how my standards and expectations are often misconstrued. No one is perfect. I'M not perfect. Perfection is not objective nor attainable. But, I don't think the blessing of imperfection in our world should stop me from searching for someone that will make me happy.
I search for someone who will understand me - not immediately, but will be willing to listen to me until he understands where I'm coming from. I yearn for someone who has no subtleties and hints of being sexist, racist, misogynist, or just plain rude. I would love to have someone who makes me laugh until I can't breathe. I look for someone who has passions, strong opinions, and goals but is still willing to understand other people's opinions and aspirations. And of course, I will strive to be the same for my significant other as well.
Love is interesting. It's something that has been romanticized for ages and still continues to be. Every moment on television, love is seen as some smooth hill that you have to look over and it'll just be smooth sailing from there, but that's not true. There are constant bumps and curves that won't be expected, but love is working on them. I don't know if college will ever offer someone like that who is willing to dedicate themselves to a working and imperfect yet serious relationship, but is there really harm in still searching?
I may say all this but I still can't stop myself from hoping and desperately wishing that I'll find him in college.
But I'm okay - I'm willing to wait :)