11.10.16
I am numb. I don’t even know where to begin. I sat in front of my computer yesterday, listening to CNN as they talked about how “amazing” this all was - the fact that Donald Trump had the ability to change the map with an unexpected surge of voters and become the next president of the United States. He may have changed the map, he may have made history, he may be the next president of the United States, but he will never be my president.
I am afraid. I am a woman of color who was just shown the amount of hatred in this country directed towards me, my family, and my friends. I used to say that I wanted to change the world. I used to say that I loved being an American. I used to want to be able to reconcile my Asian background and my American patriotism. I was proud to be an Asian-American, to be an American. But all of that has been put into question. I no longer feel welcome anymore. I feel more like an outsider than I ever did before.
I wanted to change the world. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to show the world that I can do so many things as a woman and a person of color, as a part of the “model minority”, as a minority. I wanted to show the world around me that Asians had a voice and that we could make a difference when we set our hearts to it.
But I’m not sure anymore. I can’t say any of that with confidence. My heart breaks and my voice is shattered today as I see millions rejoicing at the election results. I understand. I understand it was their right as U.S. citizens to make the choice that they believed in and truly resonated with. It just concerns me that their heart belonged to the candidate that villainizes minorities and preaches values and ideals that contradict everything we stood for in America today.
America was supposed to be “the land of the free” and “the home of the brave.” We were supposed to be able to tell our kids that we had a major battle to fight in 2016 and that we won. We were supposed to be accepting and to help the American dream thrive. The American dream was supposed to be for everyone who came here in hopes of a better future for themselves and for their future generations. We were supposed to be so much more than we are now.
Even if Trump is not able to truly “build a wall” and “deport all the Muslims”, the repercussions of his election are some that we are not currently equipped to handle. The fact that half of our country supported this candidate in his misogynistic, sexist, xenophobic, racist views says something about us, doesn’t it?
To the Trump supporters, the last thing I want to do is antagonize you. What our country needs right now is not more hate, but more love than it has ever seen. These op-eds may seem aggressive and pointed with malice at you, and yes some of them may be, but I hope you see this one as something more. I respect your rights as an U.S. citizen and understand now your intense desire for change, the desire to be heard, the desire to be represented. I understand. I hear you. And I truly want to hear your thoughts more going forward. This country is ours, and I want to be able to close the divide created during this election cycle and move forward united and stronger together.
At the same time, I am asking you to consider why your neighbors, your friends, your family, your children, whoever… why they are quivering with immense amounts of anxiety and fear right now. Why so many are in tears as we watched and now gradually accept the prospect of President Hillary Clinton die last night. Throughout the past year, we have seen Donald Trump promise that he would be against LGBTQ+ rights, repeal Roe v. Wade, and deport all illegal immigrants. Whether or not he is truly able to accomplish all of these campaign promises, his rhetoric has encouraged this “us vs. them” mindset, polarizing each side to an extreme degree. Some (not all) no longer believe it is dangerous to be homophobic, xenophobic, and sexist while practicing “locker room talk”. What we are forgetting at the end of this all is that everyone around us is a person too. We are all human. We are all people. We all deserve respect, empathy, understanding and a chance. And this idea goes both ways.
To all the anti-Trump, Hillary supporters: I am with you. I was and still am with her. And now I am with you as we mourn together. It’s impossible to accurately gauge what kind of long-term effects his presidency will have on our nation, but the most important thing is for us to stick together and to love and support each other through our grief and disappointment in the regressive society that we have found ourselves living in. Do not lash out, do not be ill-spirited towards those who are rejoicing in a time that many of us consider to be the worst that we have lived through. We lost the battle but we did not lose the war yet. History is still in the making and we have to make sure to fight for what we believe in. Above all, make sure to be safe. I know many of us are feeling disheartened and pessimistic about the fate of our country and the current state it’s in. The problems that were lurking in the shadows have now been brought to light. It’s our job now to take that and work on it to progress as a nation. We cannot rest until we are all equal and feel safe in this place we are supposed to call home.
I will not give up my dreams regardless of what has happened because I dream, we dream, of a better version of ourselves.
We need to do better from this point forward. We need to become educated. We need to be passionate and refuse to let this spark die down. We need to bebetter.”
*When I say "we are all equal", I mean all of us. It is easy, SO easy, to villainize the other side, whichever "side" you are on. Whether you are a Trump supporter or a Hillary supporter, it takes almost no effort to plug your ears and ignore what the rest of your country has to say. But don't forget - this is OUR country. Not just for half of us, or just for the other half. We all live here together and we all call this land our home. Yes, there are truly Trump supporters out there who actually agree and preach the hate that Trump's campaign has encouraged, but not all Trump supporters are all that extreme and malicious. I'm not saying you have to make nice with them. I'm just saying that it would help in this healing process if we made an effort to understand them. Not necessarily agree with them, but even to understand their fears and where they are coming from. It's hard. Trust me, I know and I understand. But we are the ones saying "Love trump hates", and if we are genuine advocates for that saying, we should show some love ourselves and put ourselves out there as well. Yes, peacefully protest and make your voices heard, but just because your voice works does not mean your ears have suddenly stopped. We, as Americans - no, as human beings - need to see the importance in loving each other and healing ourselves in such a divisive time, but neither side can do that alone. Confide in each other and use your words wisely. They are powerful. We are powerful.
I was disappointed in myself for reacting so emotionally to this election. Yes I understand that I need to let myself mourn and that is only natural in the stages of grief. But I also let myself forget what I have been telling myself ever since I started my blog - we are all human. We all have fears, insecurities, and flaws. We all have stories and complex backgrounds. We are not one dimensional. We are complicated and we are emotional creatures.
We are all human.
I am going to choose to try to be optimistic in a time of disillusionment and disappointment. I'm not perfect in this and that is not what I am trying to say. I am just as sad and angered and in disbelief as most of you reading this, but I want to fix this and begin to heal as a nation.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/i-am-numb-reaction-30_us_58240ed5e4b0334571e0a703?