20 things I like about me

In my last blog post I talked about my doubts about me & Harvard - if I'm really worth this school's money, if I'm truly good enough.

So here is my post on why I think I deserve to go here. This isn't to make myself seem narcissistic or to inflate my ego to the point of excessive self-praise. This isn't so that you know how great I am. This is for me. I can't keep telling myself that I'm not good enough for this school. At the end of the day, it's just a whole bunch of buildings stuck together with a huge endowment with problems of its own. So if you don't want to hear me try to fix my unhealthy thoughts, you can exit now. But I'm going to take this blog post to truly blog for myself. Feel free to tune in or tune out, but here it is:

1. I don't think I'm naturally intelligent. Sounds like I'm not off to a great start, but I take pride in this because this becomes motivation for me to work harder and harder so that I am able to ask good questions and continue to expand my knowledge of the world. I do not become complacent, but rather I am constantly curious and hungry for more information and explanations. I am in love with this school because I am able to satiate my thirst for education and enlightenment in all fields.

2. I am in love with ideas and stories. I want to hear all your life stories. I want to know what makes you tick. I want to know what makes your gears rumble. I want to know what makes you sweat. I want to know where you come from, who you left behind, who you are looking for, what dreams you're endlessly chasing, why you're living, why you decide to wake up in the morning. I am in love with words and what they can tell me.

3. TEDxWhitneyHigh. I am proud of my sophomore self for starting this with Michelle and Raji. I could have chickened out. I could have told Mrs. Bryson I was too busy, but I was compelled to start it. And since then it's only grown and I've kept my passion for ideas worth spreading. I have been able to touch the hearts of so many people and work with so many inspirational speakers. I have been able to give people confidence in their stories. TEDxWhitneyHigh was not easy, on top of all the stresses of high school, but I did it.

4. I am optimistic. I believe in the best in people and never assume the worst about them. I take my time to try to understand them and to love on them and to hear them out. I don't think many people are genuinely bad people - misguided, uncultured, ignorant, maybe. But not bad in their core.

5. I am really open about my feelings. I am not afraid to tell you how I feel. That's why I have this blog. I'm not afraid of telling you what I really think and how I'm really feeling about life. When people ask me, "How are you?" I'm always compelled to tell them that I'm honestly having a really rough time, but I know they ask only because of social customs, so I refrain. But if you meant it, oh man I would tell you beginning to end. I'm not afraid that you'll judge me. I'm afraid you'll jump to conclusions and assume things about me, but never that you'd judge me based on my feelings. I have more faith than that in humanity.

6. I feel blessed. I look at Harvard and smile randomly because I remind myself how lucky I am to go here. I've heard a lot of people complain about the food, facilities, and professors here, and I'm not innocent of this either, but when I take the time to pause, I realize that I am truly grateful for everything here. I love our facilities. Although they may not be objectively the best, I don't care. I love them. The food? Objectively may not be great sometimes, but I'm still ever grateful.

7. I have a lot of people who believe in me and trust me and care about me. I could never replace the people in my life. They have helped build me up to this point and have been so gracious to listen to me and to help me in my times of need.

8. I love my parents. I don't think I would have been able to be sane without them. They alwaysssss believe in me and they alwayssss see the best in me and they alwayssssss let me do what I wanted as long as I was sure about it. They gave me the confidence and the speaking skills I have today. They loved me unconditionally and showered me with smiles, hugs, and kisses. I love them.

9. I love how I write. I write just as I speak. Writing gives me joy. I may not be the best writer, but I believe I am a very good communicator.

10. This blog. Enough said.

11. I am idealistic. Some might say this is bad but I think it's good!! I believe that I can change the world. Sounds like something someone in 4th grade would say, right? No. I believe we each have the potential to be gamechangers. Don't sell yourself short.

12. I am emotional. I connect with people emotionally very very well. I feel as though I am able to complete people's sentences and read them well. I love being able to, then, help people with their struggles and hear them out.

13. Smile. I smile and laugh a lot.

14. I cry easily. I don't know why I like this. I just do. It makes me more human.

15. I am always fighting. I am always fighting to be happy, to find the reason, to know why something works, to defend opinions important to me.

16. I know what fights to pick. Some things just aren't worth it.

17. I am independent.

18. I am still dependent. 17 & 18 seem to contradict but they really don't. I think you can be both. Learn to be both. Be independent and confident in yourself but depend on others when you need it. I am not afraid to admit when I need help.

19. I am open-minded. I may find myself fighting for my opinion too hard, but remember #16. I know when to close my mouth and listen.

20. I will never blindly follow. I will only feel passionate for something once I am able to make it my own.

#NotetoSelf