am I enough?

Don't take yourself so seriously. I've been going through a lot of questions in my head, a lot of doubts, a lot of negative thoughts. I've been battling my own mind and that has been so tiring. Day after day it's been a struggle to convince myself that I'm good enough, social enough, happy enough, smart enough, talented enough, and the list goes on. It was all about being enough. But today I realized I would never be enough. No not in another downward spiral of self-deprecation, but more so in that the idea of "enough" is a) extremely subjective b) nonexistent. When I hold myself to the standard of "enough", there is no actual threshold to cross to finally be _____ enough. So what's the point? Why am I not content and proud of who I am right now? So many people around me seem to believe in my potential, capabilities, and personality and yet I have the hardest time convincing myself of that. Every slight negative comment feels like a thousand tiny shards embedding themselves into my heart as I harbor all those criticisms as though they will define me for the rest of my life. I have allowed my motivation to be slashed so many times with so many different weapons but I don't know why I've let myself succumb to that kind of unhappiness and waste of time. I'm really great at preaching all of this and advising people to only do what makes them happy but oh my goodness it's so hard to take my own advice. I am such a hypocrite.

I want to stop taking myself so damn seriously. It's so tiring and it only nags at me. I want to live my life in peace and laughter as I find more and more people who make me want to pull all nighters and talk about life with. When I am laying on my death bed, I don't want to think, "Was my life good enough?" If I even consider those words when I die, I will consider my life a failure. Rather I want to think about each and every late night, song sang, laughter shared, stories told and heard, and life spent with one another.

Life's too short. Take yourself less seriously. Not every grade point matters. Not every word you say will exist for eternity. Not any failure will define you. You and I have a choice to live our life past being "just enough". Live as though there is no limit.

#NotetoSelf #life