#

I'm tired of writing. I'm tired of writing and talking about how much all of this infuriates me. None of these videos seem real. Or at least, I don't want them to be... because if they're real, I have to finally admit how distorted our world has become. Movies about dystopian societies seem to reel in our attention, and yet we don't realize that we have modeled our own after theirs. Dystopia surrounds us, but it's just so common it's become our norm. Death as I scroll through my Twitter feed, Facebook feed, Instagram feed... #PrayforXYZ #Prayforblahblahblah. But when will the hashtags end? Will they end when it becomes our hometown? Our family? Our friend? Our name?

It's great, we're all praying. At least the sentiment is there. But when will we have to stop "praying" for Orlando, Dallas, UCLA... When will we be able to pray to THANK God for our peaceful time here on earth? When will we be able to pray to ask for the trivial things because the big, bad scary reality has been taken care of? But you know what's worse? I don't feel like I can do anything about it. We are the generation that is supposed to come in and clean up this mess, but where do we even begin? How do we even start? Where do we begin to uproot the death of the American dream? When can I start watering the hopes and dreams of my children instead of asking myself whether I even want any? Because what's the point of having children if they're bound to be shot or commit suicide anyway. Life isn't as important as it used to be. They've all resorted to becoming hashtags or to being codified in the CNN News or the TV's of our local gyms as people mourn their deaths for a week at a time...

I want to make a difference but that's what we all say right? "Why do you want to be a doctor?" "To make a difference." "Why do you want to go into business?" "To make a difference." To. Make. A. Damn. Difference.

And yet here we are. Creating nothing but a dent in this filthy dumpster we call home, only stubbing our toes in the process. Do you know why we all just say, "To make a difference"? Because we all actually probably do. We just don't know how to. So when they ask, "How?" We stand there with nothing but blank looks in our eyes as we search for our answer in theirs, praying that they might know the answer. Truth is, we have the answer. No, it's not violence. It's not more death. It's not more fire. And it's definitely not in the hands of our government.

It's in our hands. We have the key. We may have lost it, and that happens, but we just have to make sure to find it. Because if we don't, we'll be locked out of the America that needed less hashtags.

#NotetoSelf #life