To the parents...

"What is your GPA?"

"What is your SAT?"

"What extracurriculars did you do during high school?"

"Did your parents push you to study a lot? I told my son to study more if they want to go to Harvard like you."

I'm not surprised when I hear these remarks or these questions escape the mouths of eager parents who just want the "best" for their child as they approach me with overflowing questions about myself and how I managed to "succeed" already so much in life.

But what I was surprised to realize was how my acceptance letter and my attendance at this school would affect the students in grades below me. And somehow I feel responsible. I feel responsible for the moments of misery that these underclassmen and possibly elementary school kids will have to go through because "Frances Lee got into Harvard."

Yes I got into Harvard but I wasn't salutatorian let alone valedictorian and I didn't get a perfect 2400 on my SAT either. And as for my extracurriculars, yes I'll admit that I did a lot. But I never did anything for college. Never did I stay in an organization because I felt that it would higher my chances into get into a top tier college. I stayed and I worked my ass off because I loved it. Key Club? I loved every moment of it as I watched our members smile and as I heard about the impact that our volunteers had. Serving as their president as been one of the highlights of my high school career and I wouldn't have given up that kind of family and happiness for anything in the world. It was an experience I had not to show off on college apps (quite frankly I probably wrote about Key Club once) but it was something that I needed as I grew as a person. Pen on Paper/TEDx? Although the most stressful time of my life, it was the most worth it because it tested my limits and honestly tested my patience as a person and as a leader. It was the place that bothered me enough that I became a perfectionist in every aspect as I planned TEDxWhitneyHigh. But TEDx wasn't born because I wanted to "Add Activity" on my Common App. It was born because it was important to me. I never did what I did because I wanted to use it to chisel a way into my "dream college" (which wasn't Harvard either because I didn't think I would get accepted). So don't make your kids do that either. My parents always told me that I could do whatever I wanted to do and that I could go and do whatever made me happy. They never forced me to join a club (they still can't name any other club than the ones I'm in because I've repeated it 100+ times). They never made me get an A: they only supported me as I worked my hardest and said that as long as I did my best, it was fine and that I should be proud. If I am to credit any of my successes to anyone, it has to be my parents because of the amount of support and love they gave me. They didn't tell me that I HAD to get into an Ivy League and they didn't tell me that I HAD to get a certain score on the SAT. They were happy with me being healthy and joyful in what I did.

So to the parents:

Please do not ask me what scores I got or what I did. Because frankly, it doesn't matter. As long as your student does what she or he wants to do in life and is truly happy doing it, they will succeed. And no, that does not mean get into Harvard because getting into an Ivy League is not the definition of success (gasp). I know it's shocking, take a moment to just absorb what you just read. When they do what they love and love what they do, they will get into the school that makes them happy and makes them love life even more than they already should. Especially during senior year is the time to be most supportive. I understand, it's a difficult year for everyone as parents are hoping for the best news, but trust me: it's more stressful for your students as they are writing their heart out on a computer and as they try to find the best words to describe their best qualities in within 600 words. It's hard and stressful. But please. Please. Just support them in what they do and provide them with what they need: love, caring, support, understanding. Because otherwise, senior year will become hell for the entire family. And one last thing. Do not tell your students that they have to go to Stanford or Harvard or Yale or whatever other name brand school you can name off the top of your head because that shouldn't matter. What SHOULD matter is that your child is happy going where they are going. As long as they are proud of their alma mater, you should be too because this is their life more than it is yours.

#rantsession #college #advice