glass shards

I don't think we realize what kind of impact we have on other people's lives. What I said to you in third grade might still be seared into your memory and I don't even know. What your mom said about me the one time I came over in sixth grade is still seared into my mind. What he said that one night half awake will never leave my subconscious. What I said in a flare of anger has never left your side.

It's so easy to forget how impactful we are in each other's lives when it really comes down to it. When it really comes down to it, what we each say and do is what makes up other people's lives and memories of them. That's why I don't think they know why I can never fully move past some of the things that have happened in my past. And even I can't comprehend sometimes why I can't fully get over some things when I clearly want to. Is it because they were so incredibly hurtful? Because they were from the person I least expected? Because they were words that I never thought would be uttered from that person's mouth? Because I thought they would never be like that even if everyone else was? It was probably foolish of me to trust so deeply and so heavily but I couldn't have helped it. I trust people whether I want to or not - it's in my nature.

Maybe it's because that trust was broken and now I don't feel like it could ever be recovered. The glass has broken and now in so many shard pieces on the floor no matter how much tape or glue we use, it can never be brought together. No matter how hard we try anymore. We'll only cut ourselves trying so hard to bring the glass to how it once was. I'll sweep it up and put the shards in another glass cup, watching the colors from the broken pieces illuminate with the dancing rays of the sun shining through the window.

It's hard to see them because there is an array of memories behind each smile, laugh, inside joke, and comment. It reminds me of a time when we could trust each other and when we were there for each other no matter what. Everything just reminds me of how that one night shattered everything for us.

I don't think we realize what kind of impact we have on other people's lives. I don't think we realize how important each thing we say it is because it is not only a testament to our character but one to our relationship with that person. If that night never happened, I can't help but wonder where we would be now. Maybe I wouldn't have lost a close friend in such vain.