When?

Pretending is easier. It's easier to build a wall of smiles and laughs than to actually let them in. It's easier to pretend you're okay even though you're slowly rotting away on the inside because you're just torturing yourself at this point. It's easier to laugh it off and pretend that it's all just some silly high school stuff that'll disappear magically on the day of graduation. It's easier to pretend than to actually let yourself be ready to fall down with one blow. When did I start building a wall so high guarded with so many thorns and metal rings that I can't even get out of it myself? When did I start letting my heart be stepped on each and every day so that someone else could feel better about what they were doing? When did I show such meaningless smiles to so many people to try my best at telling them it's okay when it really wasn't? When did I start torturing myself? When did I start feeling so alone?