Aim, Fire.

I'm not who I used to be. Or that's what I think anyway. Is it really true though? Have I changed? I know one thing's for sure, I'm more afraid. I'm more afraid of relationships than I ever have before. Each time I've tried, it's backfired. Each time I thought they would be different, they were exactly the same. Each time I wanted to invest some amount of trust in them, they broke it repeatedly until the shards leftover on the floor were mere dust particles floating around, homeless. I used to trust so easily. Maybe that was the first mistake I made. But it was so fun, it was so simple to trust them because I wanted to believe that I wouldn't get hurt. Is that why I got shot in the heart so many times? Because I left it wide open for them to draw their strings back and aim? I never really protected it did I? I've been hurt time and time again. I've had to muster all my courage to put on a shakey smile time and time again only to burst out of that facade when I went to bed, suffocating. I never protected myself. I walked right into a battlefield without any shields, any weapons, any strategies. I walked in blindly because I thought that humans couldn't be so cruel as to attack a helpless passersby.

But I couldn't have been more wrong. But that's okay. I'll learn. And when I do, I won't even be able to find my own heart.