Subject: Frances Lee | Grade: C

If I were a class, I would be receiving a C. Mind you, a C is still passing but it makes me question whether I truly know the material well enough. How much do I know Frances Lee... at the core? Who is she really? Besides being Key Club president, Pen on Paper president, TEDxWhitneyHigh coordinator, Ride Your Horse Volunteer, VBS Science Teacher, whatever the title may be. Is she actually shy even when she belts out the Key Club chant in general meetings? Is she cynical? Is she some sort of hidden prodigy? Is she really the prim and proper little pastor's daughter that everybody thinks she is? I don't know, thus the C. I know enough to pass, but not enough to ace the class.

Frances Lee was, is, and always will be the pastor's daughter, and at one point, she was a double pastor's kid: both her mom and dad were pastors when Frances was barely formulating her identity. And because of the pressure put on her by the church and her parents, Frances was forced to be utterly perfect, polite, caring, passive, religious, divine, everything good that could possibly be under the sun. It's not to say that she didn't want to be these things (except for passive), but she was forced to take on these traits because of the title, not because she initially wanted to. She didn't have enough time to decide who she wanted to be: the expectations were just shoved onto her. Granted, she grew up to love these qualities and personality traits, but at one point in her life, Frances didn't know whether she was who she was because she was the "pastor's kid" or because she was "Frances Lee".

All my life I've had to guard my opinions, watch my words, and react extremely passively to everything that everybody said because I couldn't possibly offend them or I couldn't dare to disagree. Who was I to disagree? But not anymore. I used to think that I couldn't express my thoughts and I couldn't be more assertive because of my position as the pastor's sweet, docile daughter, but that's not it. I am allowed to say what I think; I am allowed to disagree; I am allowed to be different, to think differently; I am allowed to be who I want; I'm allowed to support gay rights; I'm allowed to be a teenager. But who cares if I'm allowed? Whose permission do I need to be myself? To be Frances Lee.

Frances Lee wants to change the world just as she has been in Key Club and Pen on Paper. She wants to spend her life sparking insightful discussion and eliminating one disease at a time from our world. She can't do that if she stands on the side, letting herself hide her thoughts and opinions from others.

I'm learning who I was, who I am, and who I want to be, and that's alright. So what if I have a C? It's just a progress report: I'm not done yet.

#personal #identity #PK