Procrastination

"It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy, or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It's a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person's sense of self worth. You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person. This makes failure or criticism disproportionately painful, which leads naturally to hesitancy when it comes to the prospect of doing anything that reflects their ability - which is pretty much everything." - David Cain

Procrastination is an interesting idea to me because it is so prevalent in our Whitney community - we call it our way of life and the Whitney way. Procrastination has no longer become a rare occurrence but rather an expectation from our high performing students who almost brag about it and shun those who fail to procrastinate on their work. But when I became a part of this community and began to say the words myself, I wondered why I said it. Why did I partake in this culture of procrastination and why did I allow myself to succumb to producing rushed, low quality work? I didn't realize why until I read David Cain's article.

The words that stood out to me were "procrastinators tend to be people who have...developed to perceive an unsually strong association between their performance and their value as a person." Because of this idea, failure and criticism in anything are sharply painful: a single grade below an A results in disappointment and a word of discouragement from teachers results in a piercing pain in our academic credibility. So at the end of it all, instead of owning up to our work and admitting that the piece of work might not have been up to par in the case of failure, we blame it on procrastination - on the result of rushed work and carelessness because our only goal was finishing on time, not quality work. Although for some that may be true and timeliness was their sole goal, for me I realized that procrastination has become a frequented excuse that inhibits me from growing as a scholar and as a leader.

I have to eliminate this association in my mind that there is a connection between my performance and my value as a person: no one performance can determine my value as a person and my identity - only I can decide my value. No SAT score, no class grade, no number can decide my value unless I let them. To me, my values, my personality, my morals, and my genuine intentions are what create my value and identity as a scholar, as a friend, as a daughter: I decide my worth and no one and nothing can do that for me instead.