To Forgive and Forget

We've all heard that we have to forgive and forget because it's the simplest thing to do: it's allegedly beneficial to both sides because the wrongdoer gets off the hook and the wronged doesn't have to worry anymore. But knowing the phrase itself is useless - they're just words that are said to elicit a response and a lesson, but in reality they are just 4 words put together to advise us on our how we should respond to those who have wronged us.

Recently this idea of "to forget and forget" has been difficult for me to fulfill because I hold on to past grudges and tend to remember them for years at a time. Granted I'm only 16, but this flaw has existed for quite a long time: I still remember who had ostracized me in elementary school, who had been rude to me in middle school, and who had attempted to pull me down in high school. But by focusing my attention and energy on vices in my life, I am unable to move on from the past and am constantly tethered to the floor by those I can't forget. Every relationship gone wrong, every friend who betrayed my trust, every stranger who wronged me for no apparent reason... I don't forget because I don't want to be fooled again. By forgiving, I am admitting that everything was alright and by forgetting, I am allowing myself to be tricked another time. But after doing this for such a long time, I have finally come to realize the harm I am inflicting on myself instead. They will never remember how they wronged me; to them it is the thing of the past that they left in the past, but I insist on recalling it to memory every time I see them. Insteading of spiting them for revenge, I am spiting myself.

I've decided that I will come to a compromise with this saying. I will forgive but not forget.

The mistakes we make exist so that we can learn from them - not so that we can push them aside completely because the pain and guilt are undesirable and unbearable. But in this process of learning and forgiving, the most important person to apply this idea to is myself. Oftentimes I forget that I'm human and that my mistakes shouldn't be so harshly judged by me about me. They should be taken as tokens of luck sent by whatever force out in the universe to help me in my growth as a person here on earth, but recently I couldn't do that. Every wrong turn I took was personally criticized and ridiculed because I couldn't bear the thought of forgiving and forgetting what I did.

But now I'm going to forgive myself and everyone else on my mind, but I will keep these events in memory so that I learn from them and improve myself in the future.

#liveandlearn #life