Dear Middle School Me...

Editor's note: This piece has been inspired by another blogger I know who goes by "HK." I read this post on her blog and I thought it was a good idea, so now here is my letter to my middle school self...

1. Don't be shy.

When I started 7th grade, everyone was intimidating to me as they all played piano, all placed in the competitions, and on top of all of that, they were taller than I was, smarter than I was, and more talkative than I was. So in 7th and 8th grade I decided to keep my hand down and refrain from answering questions I knew in class so as not to stand out in a group of such intelligent people. No one really knew who I was and I was okay with that: I would complain in silence and I would keep the questions to myself and my friends for a later time. I didn't let myself crack out of the shell that had begun to form since elementary school. All I wanted to do was survive. But now in 11th grade and having experienced mostly everything I could at Whitney, I want to tell my middle school self that being shy is boring. Being shy means being taciturn and reserved: if I want to say something, I should say it! Why should I be held back? I had a lot to say and who knows if it was ever worth saying? Whether it was or not, I'll never know if they were intelligent and cohesive because I never voiced them to the public. I think I was shy because of the fear of being wrong, but now I know that being wrong is nothing: it's just a part of the learning process that we all go through and I wish I would have started earlier to reach farther than I have now.

2. Be you.

In middle school I was so bent on the idea that I had to be like everybody else: the grades, the piano playing, the activities, the schedule, etc. I didn't want to fall behind and at that time, I thought that meant just trying to barely keep in time with those around me because that was the safest means to remain in the norm. But that's plain, that's not unique, that's not me. While I was trying to conform myself to others' identities, I was losing mine and only at the end of 9th grade was I able to find my true identity and meaning at Whitney High School - and ever since that moment I have been a hundred times happier.

3. Go for it.

Don't hold back because you're worried about sticking out of the crowd because being different from the rest is the best part! Go for whatever you want to do because what you want to do will lead you to your purpose in life, slowly but surely, and that's really all we can ask for from our high school/middle school experience. I think I finally started taking this piece of advice seriously at the end of 9th grade when I took my anxiety into my own hands and went to my 9th grade English teacher to have a serious discussion with her about my passion and my calling. After an hour of pure seeking, we came to the conclusion that I just loved to talk - no matter how shy I was. I wanted to talk to others who were just as shy as I and after I was able to admit that and began to surpass it, Mind over Matter and TEDx began to form a place in my life.

4. Speak out.

Speak. Don't be afraid of being wrong. Everyone is wrong at least once in his/her life: it's natural. It's nothing to be ashamed of and if anything, it should be embraced because our mistakes are there for us to step on to continue our journey in life.

5. Embrace weird.

In middle school, being weird was just being loud and I was good at that outside of the classroom, but to actually be weird has to do with being out of the ordinary, being random, and being ridiculously odd. I used to be deathly afraid of having people notice me so I tried my utmost best to be normal and to stay normal. I analyzed my laugh to adjust it to everybody else's "normal" laugh, I studied just as many hours as others did, and I kept playing the piano to fit into the "Asian stereotype." No. Be weird. It's okay. Being weird is amazing and it's fun. The weirder I got as I got older, the more fun my life became and the more friends I made who were as weird, if not weirder, than I was, and I have not had a monotonous day ever since.

6. Love yourself.

My middle school self didn't really know what love was, especially self love. And this isn't a message I only want to send to my middle school self, but I also want to send it to myself right now. I'm in the process of trying to learn to love myself, not in a self-centered kind of way, but a self-appreciation sort of way. I think for some of us it's difficult to accept ourselves as we are because society has deemed us as forever imperfect, and I admit, we are imperfect. But who's to say that imperfection isn't perfection itself? Being imperfect is perfectly fine - we just need to embrace ourselves and to tell ourselves that we are fine the way we are. Recently I wasn't satisfied with myself; I kept telling myself that I wasn't good enough and that I had to keep working to get better academically, extracurricularly, and socially: especially socially. So I tried to rush it all. Instead of slowing down and enjoying the journey there, I tried to speed everything up by 100% and ended up burning myself out, disappointing myself more. But now I'm going to try to love myself slowly. I'm going to learn to be okay with myself because if anything, I should be happy with myself.

7. Forgive and forget easily.

That is all. Just forgive and forget.