The Crumble

Editor's Note: I wrote this piece a year ago and although it's written in first person point of view, it is not all about me. But I do have to admit that the things said in this piece resonate(d) with me, which is probably the reason behind my composing it.

Days pass as my heart continues to crumble into a thousand different pieces, scattered across the floor, unrecognizable and unrecoverable. Despite the pain that dwells within me, he seems fine as I see smiles flit across his face and laughs burst out of him with pure enjoyment. I watch his face as it contorts to become smiles and I die a little bit more each time inside. A small part of me is in utter relief watching him in peace, but another part of me twists and turns as it wishes that he would be in as much excruciating pain that I am in right now... I busy myself with work until it drowns me and I am unable to breathe or think, preferably. I run until my thoughts are clouded only by the thought of the lack of oxygen to my lungs, not to my heart; I write until I can't feel my hands screaming for me to stop; I eat until my stomach decides to retaliate; I pain until I am distracted from the despair and the aching that pesters my battered heart. I can feel the tears longing to come out and spill onto my pillow, but there are no more tears to be shed; I am dry of anything that once moved. People ask me if I am okay. I say yes with a smile and reassuring words, but I'm not; I'm dying inside and it's eating me from the inside out. The guilt, the pain, the regret pick at me until I am exposed for what I am, who I am, and why I am. I fall on my knees and I begin to collect every little piece of me I can grab, but it's already too late... The merciless wind blows it all away up and over the edge where it disappears forever.

#love #life #personal